A Special Brand of Crazy...

Many people like to poke their toe into the loony pool, but a few of us in this world stand out as truly and distinctly unique.

These are the people who always chose dare...the ones who brought life to the party...the ones who tilt at windmills and dream bigger than big...Being one of the few, the proud, the obscene, I have compiled a list...(Who would have thought it?!) ...of what makes these people special...and maybe ....what you can learn from them.

1. It's all about making memories.....without your crazy friend, you wouldn't have any crazy stories...What if no one ever threw that wild party that got out of control?! What if no one ever said, "Watch this!"? The kookiest friends are the ones that always did the unexpected...for better or for worse...they were going in...They helped to write the memories that you will keep for a lifetime.

2. Fake it til you make it.... This one is fairly insightful, so pay attention....No high school (or college or post college or...you get it)...No human gets away without being scarred by insecurity. No one is so full of themselves that they never feel self conscious..or scared.. The only difference is that some people figure that out early in life... and they use it to their advantage. Bullies use this info to make people feel bad or do their will, but your goofy friends use it as armor. It is simple, really. They pretend to be 'above' low self esteem. They might be afraid of jumping off the roof, but they won't let you know that...because people who are never afraid or shy or insecure...they seem invincible... That is exactly how we nut jobs like it. Then something magical happens...Because we have already done it, we actually become less insecure... and shy...and scared.... It's magic....Try it on yourself....You won't regret it. 

3. Carpe' diem...or (if you are a toddler) YOLO...While it's possible that your friend is legitimately cuckoo, most likely they just understand that everyone's clock is ticking...and life is too short to worry about what everyone thinks. Sure...getting kicked out of Burger King may put a damper on late night french fries, but really...what's that worth in the grand scheme of things?! It was a really great story....

****flashback sequence****

This one time....my two best guy friends took me to Burger King and ...(Side note: this is what happens when you put 3 crazies in  1 friend circle) ....One went outside to make a phone call....The other one decided it would be funny to feed him fries while he was on the phone. So there we were... throwing french fries at him..from inside the establishment... It didn't really matter that there was pane glass between us. Naturally, the one on the phone notices...and begins to dive for fries... This all went fine until I got the bright idea that all those fries must be making him thirsty....and that's how we got kicked out of Burger King.

****end flashback****

4. Rules are more like guidelines. I'm not actually suggesting that you break curfew or graffiti underpasses. However, I AM suggesting that if you alter the way you look at guidelines and rules, you are half way to innovation. No advancements in history were made  because they always played it safe. Albert Einstein said,"Imagination is more important than knowledge."  He was a crazy one...Look at his hair....

5. Be insightful. The goofballs of the world usually have really high empathy. That is why they strive so hard to get the laugh and make awesome memories. They feel the mood of the room and act in order to make it better. Some say that Disney is the happiest place on Earth, but I think the happiest place might be with your crazy friends... Because whatever world they create with and for you is yours alone....and that makes it just a tad more special....

But I think we can all agree that your crazy friends at Disney would be the most awesome....

 

I mean ...Where else can you whistle while you twerk?!

Dead Presidents, Noble Gases, and an Illiterate Society...

I got onto Facebook yesterday, and I was met with some seriously disturbing statistics. Granted, I haven't verified these numbers as accurate. HOWEVER...I can see how the have the potential to be accurate...and that is scary enough. Here they are...

 

 

Being someone who buys books the way some people buy shoes, I cannot fathom having gone 5 years without visiting the bookstore....and I need BOOKS....Not e-books...I like the tangible feel of a hardbound book.... and the smell of old books..... and the idea that my favorites are stained with water marks where I cried on its pages as I felt the pain of the characters.... I like the idea that no one can unplug electricity and take all my stories away...Reading is the single greatest tool for learning. You gain experiences.. In a book, I have led revolutions,dated millionaires, loved vampires, jumped off of trains, flown on the back of mythical creatures, and raised dragons from eggs.... I suppose that I owe Levar Burton something for that.... 

All of that brought me to what I wanted to talk about today....In college, I read an amazing book written by our very own Benjamin Franklin. 

You remember him...Let's go fly a kite...in a lightning storm...with conductors tied to the tail..".It'll be fun," they said...
Anyway, Franklin was known for saying many outlandish and memorable things...for example:

They complied a book of his lesser known essays. This book is titled, "Fart Proudly." That's right. Arguably my favorite piece of literature ever written by the man is an essay titled "Fart Proudly." He basically says (I'm paraphrasing), 'How can a society expect to take responsibility for their own actions when they cannot do something as simple as claiming their own farts...We all fart. A dog makes no apology for it. Why do we insist on attempting to pass the (gas) buck?'Then he gives a call to action...(still paraphrasing) 'We are Americans! We need to stand proudly...We need to act proudly...and we need to fart proudly..' (It brings a tear to my eye..and it isn't even the gas that does it.)

 In an attempt to teach my children patriotism, I probably should not have started with this essay. My children are now loaded weapons... and feel compelled to ...share their star spangled eruptions...with everyone....proudly.... It usually causes me to give a red glare...if that helps... 

I think my point today is that we need to accept responsibility for ourselves... We need to read more....We need to be informed....and...for goodness sake...fart proudly....

The Last of the Mojitos....

It seems to be an epidemic that so many ladies (and guys) seem to drink themselves under the table ...(sometimes quite literally). Admittedly, I had my share of torrid affairs with a liquor bottle. I suppose it's fortunate that I managed to learn my lessons early.

***(flashback sequence)****

 I once became so drunk that I could not speak on the phone. I wasn't previously aware that there existed a level of drunk that rendered a person mute. I now know this to be a fact... at least...that is what I was told had happened. I did manage to find forgiveness from those I love for that night. It was high school. It was a school night, and my parents found a glimmer of sick pleasure in administering the worst  punishment available for a 17 year old with a terrible hangover....They made me attend school anyway. I was still so intoxicated that morning that I ran face first into the door frame. By the time 5th period arrived, I was certain that my parents knew exactly what they were doing....and I was going to die at school, so as to not stain the living room rug...

***(end flashback)***

As I said, I kind of ran all the crazy out of my system early, leaving me with a conundrum that I believe too many of the twenty somethings ( and everyone else, if I'm being honest) face. Everyone parties....You want to go. Sometimes you need to go, But knowing how to drink without making an idiot of yourself is really where most people fall short. Therefore, I have compiled a list (YEAH!!!) of the best ways to party without parting with your dignity. 

1. Play D and D. As much as I love RPGs, in this instance I'm referring to designated driver. Admittedly, this isn't always the best gig, but you have to have one, so maybe you can take turns or something. The plus side to being DD is, because you can't drink, the bartender may give you your non-alcoholic drinks for free (they respect the DDs), and watching your friends make idiots of themselves gives you excellent canon fodder....just make sure there's room for pics on your phone...

2. Hello, nurse! I'm talking about you, a drink, and taking it slow. (ahem!) The best way to slow down the drinking process is to... slow.... down.... the DRINKING.... process. Sip it. Sip it good....then set it down for a bit...then add more soda.... If everyone is getting crazy, they may not even notice that you haven't ordered another round for yourself...as long as your drink isn't empty....

3. The 30 minute rule. This will save both your pocket book and your liver....Wait thirty minutes between each drink...This allows your body to begin reacting to the alcohol before your next drink. It will help you to gauge where you stand between sober and calling Ralph on the big, white telephone....

4. Pants yourself. You heard me...Clothe yourself in something with a crotch and a bra. If you are determined to drink until you stumble, wear clothes that keep your dignity in your absence. If you can't touch your toes without showing everyone the tag on your thong, you can't get knee walking drunk without exposing your....assets...to everyone... (and between you and me...If you want to attract guys worth having, you don't actually want to be that drunk...ever...the clothes don't help you when you puke in his car.)

5. Know your limits. When the room starts dancing without you, start ordering water.... If you start thinking the song 'Blurred Lines' is about your drunk-vision....go home...alone....No good can come from the remainder of the evening. 

The point, my friend, is that drinking can be fun, but it can also be a way to lose the respect people have for you....It's great to have a drink, but what's the point of a good time if you don't remember it?! Heed my wisdom, for I was once as you are now.... I'll tell you the stories sometime... Talk to you soon...

The Holey Conspiracy...

Why do people avoid questions in life? Why is it that even though people COULD see obvious connections or holes in stories, they choose to believe that no one is lying or keeping secrets from them. ....Because they are sheeple....SHEEPLE! ....I used to count sheep to sleep...now they keep me awake at night. I feel like Neo unplugged from the Matrix. The idea that people refuse to question the norm can potentially be applied to so many ideas.....politics... wars.... religion.... but I'm going to avoid attempting to directly piss off the masses and simply ask you to WAKE UP! We will begin with discussing a topic near and dear to my soul that I'm certain most of you have overlooked.
Okay....Here it is....
What hungry pastry chef decided it was a good idea to steal the center goodness out of a doughnut?!....and Why does this atrocity continue today?! Answer me that!
Let's look at the facts!
**The best anyone can figure, the doughnut, as we know it today, can be traced back to the mid 1800's when Captain Gregory's mother used to shove nuts into the center of her son's oily cakes.... But the Captain himself claims he invented the first "holy" doughnut.... He cut the center out of every one of those oily cakes...(I'm guessing he didn't like nuts...lol) After that, they kept cutting the holes to skimp on ingredients...( If you ask me...he was eating them....)

Look at him...That man seems oddly possessive about his doughnut....

So, that brings us to the second question....Why do we leave the hole in it today?! We are still being screwed over for the delicious center of our Krispy Kremes....I don't have an answer....Maybe a petition is in order.... We demand the back-pay for our previously uneaten holes.... I asked one local establishment...They glazed over the question.... I bought the doughnuts, anyway.....I caved to social convention... I'm now shame eating my doughnuts.... 

Just Answer The Question...

I believe that so many people in the kingdom of nerd are single...not exactly by choice, but ...perhaps because they are smart enough to be choosy. I have decided to help out my fellow nerdletts and create a list of questions...a flowchart if you will...to make the weeding out easy and effective. Apply my foolproof method, and you'll know by the end of the list whether you are compatible, or you are like a Linux system trying to load a Windows program...more trouble than it's worth...
Here is a list of nerd questions to ask any potential significant others...(and save yourself some future headache or heartache)

1. Which is your favorite Star Wars film?
If the answer is..."I've never seen it" walk away...you're done...

2. Van Halen or David Lee Roth?
If the answer is "who?" they are  too young...

3. Can you tell me how to get to sesame street?
This is a trick question...If they attempt to answer, they are obviously a terrorist...

4. Who is your favorite doctor?
 If you get a strange look, walk away...you're done...

5. What would you name your pet dragon?
...If any form of the answer "dragons aren't real" crosses their lips, it wasn't meant to be.

6. DC or Marvel?
This could go either way, but you are looking for a serious opinion here. If they don't read comics, how did they make it this far down the list?

7. Edison or Tesla?
 If the answer is 'Edison' or 'Who?' They don't know enough about science...Edison stole Tesla's work..duh...

8. Einstein or Hawking?
This could go either way, as well.... but you better agree on the answer because they oppose each other's ideas...


***If they have managed to make it this far, you can move on to the BONUS ROUND:

9. How do you feel about anime'?
 If the answer is "I don't like it", walk away....You don't need that kind of negativity in your life...If they say yes...use the following side question:

^ ^ How do you feel about the Avatar movie? 
If the answer involves blue aliens, they fail automatically....

10. Who is the best Star Trek captain?
This is another trick question to see if they can name any.... If they can't, .....seriously....How did they make it this far?

Okay...Provided the person passed all of those questions, They only have one more.....

***What are your feelings on cosplay? if they say 'favorable', you have a date to Comic-con! Brown chicken, brown cow!

Hope this gives you hand...(or at least a laugh!)

Me- Tube?! That's so sweet!

I love Youtube... It is fun and goofy and informative....possibly one of the few remaining platforms of free speech. I haven't put anything on myself, but a few years ago, I put a few of my husband on there... He sings...it's pretty brilliant. Here it is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1s46Xi_FU4

There really is something for everyone....So many great video bloggers out there....I have had people ask me what Youtube channels I like, so I have made a list... (ANOTHER LIST!!!) I hope you enjoy!

The Vlog brothers....You have probably heard of John Green...(unless you've been living under a rock) ...He is the author of the best selling novel/hit movie The Fault In Our Stars. What you might not know is that he and his brother Hank are also known for their awesome and fun nerd-fighting antics as the Vlog brothers. I use their crash course videos in my homeschool curriculum. With videos ranging from current affairs to 53 jokes in 4 minutes...These guys need to be on your favorites list... like...now...

Tobuscus... Were I unwed...(You people know how I feel about quirkiness....). Toby Turner has a way of being a complete loon, and it works for him. He rates video games, makes literal movie trailers (it's not easy to describe...it's hilarious, I assure you), and is a songwriter...His version of 'Say Something' brought a tear to my eye...I can't even....

Nobody does movies better than Screen Junkies. Their honest trailers will make your day better...It just will... watch the Lion King...you won't regret it...

Bad Lip Reading does a great job making movies what they want them to be....Some movies were actually better when they redid them....I'll let you decide...

If you are a fan of the theater, you would love Team StarKid. Starkid Productions is run by Darren Criss ...You may know him as Blaine from Glee. They do full musical productions of fandom favorites...everything from Batman to Harry Potter. The scripts are clever and the music is catching....You should definitely watch...It's gonna be totally awesome.

And lastly, I must add ...Potter puppet pals. If you love Harry Potter, these little shorts will truly crack you up. Wizard swears is my favorite... 

Well, I hope I touched on some new ideas for your viewing pleasure.... Have a great one....

A Letter to my Children

My son is 10 and my daughter is almost 7.... There are SO many things I want them to know, and so much I know they will have to learn on their own.... I decided to go ahead and share some of the things I need to make sure that my children hear from me....so here it is...

To my children who I love more than air, 

          - First, know that nerds are awesome. Never let anyone tell you that being smart is bad. In this world, someone can take everything from you except what you keep in your mind..... faith, brains, and will power. People are afraid of intelligence because smart people have the power to change things....and people don't like change. 

-Faith is worth having. If you do what God asks, and it turns out to not be necessary, you lose nothing. However, if you don't obey....and God is very real... then you could lose everything. I believe that God is provable, but you will have to make your own decisions....just realize that God is the safe bet.

-Love is blind and hind sight is 20/20. You will think you are in love many times. It will seem so real..at least... in the moment. Respect the fact that as you grow, the definition of love will change...and REAL love...if it is... will wait until after high school. 

- You are allowed to like what you want, even if others are too scared to have their own identity. Deep down, those that ridicule you for being unique are actually either jealous of your bravery or will live their life unable to paint the sky yellow...even though sunsets are yellow....

-Never think you are better than anyone...Karma has a way of letting you try on their shoes for a while...eventually...

-Sex rocks....when you wait for that special person...mutually committed...and are ready for the multitude of possible scenarios which could play out as a repercussion. Before that, it is just too risky and will undoubtedly end in heartbreak for one or both of you. 

-Don't grow up too fast....or ever... never stop having fun, laughing, or being silly...This life is too hard to try and muddle through without cherishing the good times. 

- The world is bigger than your problems. There will be times when it feels like the world closes in on you and you just can't breathe. It will seem like there is no way out. Look up at the sky during those times, take a deep breath, and realize how big the world is compared to your problems. Remember that the only thing of permanence in this world is change. So whatever hurt...or pressure...or evil you are facing...It won't last forever...and you are strong... You'll be okay.

- The most beautiful thing you can be in this world is nice. Kindness is the one language everyone understands... 

-Never stop asking questions. Knowledge is power, and questions lead to innovation. A sense of wonder keeps your mind young and the weeds off of your imagination. 

-Finally, understand that this life holds the potential to be or do anything you desire...but nothing comes without hard work and persistence. You owe it to yourself to give everything your best shot. 

I hope to live until my children's children have children of their own. Sometimes, though, fate has other plans. I'm somewhat satisfied that this note is heading out into the void....and...should something happen to me... my children can possibly absorb this note as my words to them... If my plans succeed, and I live to see many more decades...I hope that this letter helps to articulate hopes for the future generations... 

I often tell people that I haven't a prayer of raising children perfectly... I am, instead, trying to raise people that I'd like to know..and someday..when they are grown....I hope we can be friends...and maybe that's enough.

Shiny, Happy People Wear Brown or Everything I Needed to Know, I Learned From Firefly

The greatest tragedy to befall modern television is, without a doubt, the premature cancellation of Joss Whedon's Firefly. The good die young, they say, and that show didn't make it a season. It was...in my humble opinion...one of the best shows ever produced. Followers and loyal fans call themselves "browncoats" as an homage to the captain's classic frock. As a die hard browncoat myself, I feel obliged to tell you why this show ranks so high on my list. Hopefully ,if you haven't had the pleasure, this list will inspire you to watch....and possibly don an earthen colored coat of your own.

Everything I need to know in life, I learned from firefly:

Play fair. No one says it better than Mal....

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. If you know it's bound to happen, don't act surprised when it does...

Always spin things in the most positive light. It makes everyone feel better.

Know your limits.

Pay compliments to our female friends (even if they/you are married). 

It isn't weak to believe the bible.  Don't let the media fool you... 

Don't talk at the theater. 

Dress to impress.

It's always best to establish rules up front.

You don't need guns until you need them.

If you are gonna be snarky, do it with flair. Winston Churchill said it best when he defined tact as the way to tell someone to go to hell so they look forward to the trip...

Stand up for yourself. 

Not everyone shakes the world, but anyone can make a dent.

Stand for what you believe, even if you're standing alone.

Sometimes you have to rock the boat.

Never, ever quit. 

We all have a time limit.

It's good to be simple.

Freedom is fleeting and precious.

So, I hope this has inspired you to at least watch this amazing, futuristic, scifi, western, dystopia.....It is well worth your time....

If You're Happy and You Know It, What Pills Are You On?

There is a disturbing trend on the web right now.... It is drowning in love yourself, love yourself, love yourself.... It's not necessarily a bad thing... except that more and more people are using that as an excuse not to care about important things.What kind of mentality are we cultivating?! "It's all about me. If it doesn't make me happy, I'm not interested."  I'm a large girl. It isn't healthy. I should accept myself, but I shouldn't be happy about being unhealthy.

 I do recognize the need to do something about it. Spandex is a privilege, not a right. I walk. I drink lots of water. I am hoping to incorporate an active physical education into my children's school curriculum. I'm taking initiative. Do I like it? Exercise makes me about as happy as having a root canal., but it's necessary...

The point is this: At what point did we decide that we must be happy ALL. THE. TIME?!?

I believe that we are one of the most UN-happy generations to ever live....and with the black death, the holocaust, and the crusades looming in the background of history, I believe that is saying something. Over half of the facebook posts I read are so depressing.... or angry..or fake.. but if we feel down for more than a day, we run to our doctor for happy pills.... Most people on those pills aren't happy...It simply makes them not feel anything. Life is happy, sad, pain, grief, laughter, sunshine, and rain.... It is an up and down roller coaster of emotion. We were never meant to only be happy... I think we all live out our negative emotions vicariously through grumpy cat.

So.... I'm going to give you permission.... It is okay to feel bad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel feelings. I recently had someone tell me I was too sensitive... I didn't lash out at anyone. I didn't get defensive. I got emotional. I took two minutes, excused myself to the bathroom, pulled up my big girl panties, and then acted professional. I'm sorry if you think that having feelings makes me a wuss. 

If you see someone else being emotional, just walk by and tell them "It's cool!" Our lives are one rushing stressor to the next. It is okay to lose it a minute. It is healthy, even. Remember that no one got handed a playbook for life and we are all in this hole together. No one blows sunshine and rainbows out of their noses....except Ke$ha...and  I've seen her videos...she may not be human...

So hang on ...I love ya....We will survive...Live like a supermodel...only eat...