THAT IS MONOGAMY!

Marriage. You hear the horror stories. You know the drill. Either you've lived the nightmare, or someone close to you is going through it. Some say that marriage is like a deck of cards. At the beginning you have two hearts, but by the end, you need a club and a spade.

Is it really so bad?! Does it have to be?! I believe that I have narrowed down a few reasons why people feel that way. Also, as someone who managed to be blessed with a very happy home life, I will share with you the secrets to finding a mate that doesn't belong in your tool bag.

First, let's begin by addressing the misconceptions we have about how marriage is "supposed" to act. From the time we were tiny, we were exposed to the fairy tale...Mildly differing plots aside, they end with, "...and they all lived happily ever after." That's beautiful....It's also fiction. Problems don't erase with with a magic ring. (much to the dismay of all of the Lord of the Rings fans out there...of which I am one.)

You still have finances, and now, you have joint custody of someone else's problems, too.

( I'm getting to the part where I tell you it can be awesome and worth it...just wait.)

Pile on that the realization that kids will severely limit your one-on-one time. (unless you are one of those people who let everyone else raise your kids, but that is a different soapbox...a bigger one.) 

Marriage ...as I see it...is two people who have made the decision to trudge through this life as a team. It shouldn't be based on bumping uglies ...Although, sex without a side of STD is a nice perk.

..or money or popularity or looks...All of those things can change in an instant.

When I came across this on Pinterest, I was floored! Who the hell is this lady to think that her farts don't stink?! She is thin, so she is about 10 years from looking like a Georgio Armani wrinkle. This marriage was built on metaphorical quicksand.

Here is a true test: If your spouse were to get into a car accident and be mauled and paralyzed, would you be  willing to stay with them for the rest of your lives....no sex...If the answer is no, you don't need to get married!

Here's is the secret to figuring out the best mate with which to live out your days ...Ready?!

Find someone who is awesome...like...best friend material. 

Date long enough to figure out what annoys you about that person. Be honest, because those are the traits that will be grinding your nerves forever...

Ask yourself the above question. ( the paralyzed one) If the answer is yes, ask them if they feel the same way. If they answer yes, you win!

***Side note: While I believe in divine intervention when it comes to marriage, I don't necessarily believe that you only have ONE soul mate out there. Marriage is about 10% love and 90% commitment. Some ask, "Then why do it?" I'll tell you. My husband is my best friend. He is the coolest, sweetest guy I know. He is a great father to our children, and, someday, when I'm old and broken, (or he's old and broken), we will take care of each other. This world can be cold and cruel. It is a little less so when I can share it with him. Marriage is the promise that we will do that for each other. It's really that simple. 

Peace.