Learning to Fly- The Death of a Parent

 Do you know how mother birds teach baby birds to fly? They never really get lessons. The baby bird watches its parent fly away and return with food. Sure, it may attempt to flap its wings in practice, but it isn't until that fateful day when mommy bird decides it's sink or swim time. The mother bird walks their offspring to the edge of the nest...and pushes them off! Either the tiny bird flaps his wings and gains the lifeskill of flight, or our little feathered friend bites the dust. Literally.

 It has been one year almost to the day since my father died. I miss him. There isn't a day that goes by when I wouldn't call him up and discuss everything from the Bible to Zeppelin. I rarely discuss him, mostly because I don't like crying in public, unless I'm watching The Force Awakens for the 50th time (...in which case, if you don't, shame on you). Having a parent die is like being a baby bird...especially if you are under 40. I have a friend who tragically lost both parents back to back at 30, and she is the bravest bird I know. At a time when you are struggling to become a comfortable adult with your parents' help, losing them is exactly like God pushing you out of the nest. It's do or die because the lease on your safety net just ran out. Those closest to me know that I am a REALLY sappy person, but mostly a happy person. This year has been more of a struggle than most have known. Still, I'm flapping away and, God willing, I will fly.

Regardless in which form it comes, be it games or gunpowder, wherever there is loss, there is learning. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God is teaching us a lesson to make us better or prepare us for the future. So, I figure, it is in my best interest to extrapolate the lessons as soon as possible and avoid future teaching. Therefore, without further weepiness this Father's Day season, I give you "The Lessons You Learn when God Forces You to Fly."

1. Your parents are smarter than you.  Sure, you might have more education than them, but, if you haven't already realized that your parents have a real handle on this life thing yet, it will become apparent one day. "Don't forget to check the oil." "You have to choose your battles." Even how they managed to pay the bills every month and still smile will blow your mind. Your parents are a wealth of knowledge. You should listen. Otherwise, the advice you may have to heed is,"Don't drop the soap!"

2. Family is first. It is only experience that teaches you that friends come and go, but your family is still your family. Don't wait until you lose a parent to miss them. Those people who don't stay close with their families won't have their support when it is desperately needed. Nothing is more sad than visiting a nursing home. Family first is also a lesson in not pissing everyone off. You don't want to end up on Dr. Phil.

3. Life is fleeting. If you haven't crossed the 30 year threshold yet, you may not feel the hands of time slapping you repeatedly in the face and threatening to wrinkle your complexion, but it's coming. Slowly people you know as peers will begin to die...first from accidents and fires, then cancer and heart attacks and diabetes. It is SO important to appreciate the time you have with those you care about. It's also nice to show your face off prior to laugh lines...

4. Respect is earned through time and experience. There are so many college students today whining for respect. While it is true that everyone deserves a basic amount of decency, respect is reciprocal. You can't demand respect (which isn't repectful...BTW) and expect to receive it. IF you are respectful, THEN you will recieve respect. This doesn't mean you have to agree, but it does mean that you have to swallow that word vomit. You can't lecture someone about the Vietnam War if you weren't alive to see it. This is especially applicable to parents. One day you will be your parents' age (if you are lucky enough to live that long), and you will want the respect you earned from being alive all those years. Give that respect to your parents (and everyone else that is your elder). They deserve it.  

5. Life is a cycle. Your parents took care of you when you were a baby. Someday, you will have to take care of your parents. That is life, but here is the catch: No one ever told me that once you reach a certain age, your mind stops aging, but your body doesn't. When you look at older people, don't see an 80 year old woman in a wheelchair. See a 25 year old woman who is trapped inside an 80 year old body that can't walk. It changes how you treat people. Look at your parents. They aren't 70. They are 30 years old inside... and you did a LOT of the aging to your mom's body. Remember that when your parents need help getting out of the chair. You basically made them old.

I'm certain that there are a million more life lessons that I have learned in the past year. It hasn't been easy, but life rarely is... I can tell you that, as crazy as family can make you, they are worth it. This Father's Day, give your parents your time. It's the perfect present for the parent who has everything.