The Dos and Don'ts of Befriending a Struggling Homeschool Mom

With every cloud and its silver lining, there also lies a shadowy underside. With good, there is an evil. With light there is a darkness. With sunshine, there are sunburns... and with homeschooling, there is depression. You might be one of the lucky ones who is all sunshine and rainbows.

 One of those moms or dads who is selfless and all giving and secretly make me want to aquire homeschool bulimia.  I realize this is a selfish post. I'm not like you. This post isn't FOR you. Move along.

I'm talking about the rest of us. We want to give everything to our kids. Clearly...otherwise we wouldn't have stopped our lives dead in its tracks to educate our children.

Those of us who sometimes wake up and have guilt because a part of us wishes that public school had been a success for our children. Guilt because sometimes we don't want to get up and devote the 475th day in a row to understanding a math concept that we got in 5 minutes flat...the first time we heard it in 4th grade.

I'm speaking to those who genuinely wish that their only goal in life was to devote 110% to your children, but instead you sometimes find yourself resenting your BFF whose kids get shuffled out the door every morning for school....giving her time to hit the gym and is currently pursuing both a hobby AND a career. To THOSE people who wrestle with the desire to pursue their own interests: the struggle is real. I feel ya.

Like many of you, my career went radio silent the day my first child was born. I brought them into the world. It is my job to provide the best possible upbringing. I don't regret it. I simply need about 8 extra hours a day.

I was always labeled as "gifted." I was voted "most likely to be a movie star" in high school. I had plans. Big ones. God had DIFFERENT ones for my life. I truly have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing, but doing the right thing has never been harder. There is a finite window of opportunity in the work force to gain a certain level of acheivement. I sometimes feel like that window is closing  faster than I can climb through it...and if I don't start making time to workout, I doubt I'll FIT through it.

I can't seem to be satisfied without some type of outside acheivement. Perhaps it was the fact that I have many moderate talents that I always expected to pursue. Maybe it was everyone's high expectations for my life, but I need personal accomplishment, BESIDES my children's academic and cultural success.

I don't have the answers to how to fix this problem.  I just suspect that there are many others that share this burden of guilt. What I do know is this: If you have a homeschool parent as a friend, please don't do these things...like...ever:

1. NEVER say, "I don't know how you homeschool...I could never do that."
We understand that is SUPPOSED to be a compliment, but all we hear is, "I care about myself, and you don't." We made a difficult decision. It may not be necessary or right for you, but don't think we don't feel the hurt of the world passing us by.

2. NEVER avoid inviting us BECAUSE of our kids. Sure, we turned you down 5 times, but we never have a sitter....and on the off chance we do, we need the break from reality.

3. NEVER talk down to them as if they are less educated...even if they are technically less educated. A lot of us stopped mid college to raise children. It too often seems irrelevant if we had a mensa IQ...supposedly a stupid (expensive) piece of paper (aka a degree) is somehow the only relevant marker of intelligence?! I once had a college history professor who couldn't pronounce the word "Iroquis." Clearly, a genius, she was not. In a world that undervalues traditional family roles, don't play into that narrative. Besides, as a homeschool parent, we literally read textbooks all day.

4. NEVER remind us all we gave up to homeschool. The old adage "No use crying over spilled milk" comes into play. We think about what we gave up all the time. It doesn't help to say, "You should've been a doctor."  We try NOT to think about it too much because it's selfish, and we made choices and want to see it through.

Here's what you CAN do:


1. DO ask them about homeschooling. It is the most difficult job in the world. It has very few short term rewards, and most of the acheivement glory goes to the child, not the parent. We all wish people would care about the things we care about, regardless of what it is. Let us know you care.








2. DO encourage them to pursue hobbies in which they excel... or learn something new with them. A hobby is an escape. Help them to explore a different way of earning accolades. One in which THEY recieve the glory.

3. Lastly, DO buy them a drink. Homeschooling is hard, y'all.

Help your friends. Not everyone has an encouraging family or, even, other homeschooling friends. They need you.
Did this strike a chord with anyone? Any advice?  If so, let me know in the comments. Until next time, be excellent to one another.